Ah..........the holiday season appears to be upon us once again. I can't seem to avoid them know matter how hard I try to hide. Most know I harbor a strong dislike for the holiday season, but most don't know or have forgotten why. It was at this time a year, almost 4 years ago now that I learned the hardest lesson I have ever learned in my entire life. One I will never forget. One I can not stress the importance of enough to others. When it comes to something or someone in your life that you love, care about, or holds any kind of importance do NOT ever put them off until later or when you think you will have more time. Tell them, call them, hug them now. Right now. Because later may never come.
This time of year holds 4 significant dates to me. There's the obvious of Thanksgiving and Christmas. The less obvious is my birthday, November 27th. And even less obvious is that date I lost my dad. December 29th, 2007. This will be the 3rd round of celebrating the holidays, and my birthday without him. And the 4th anniversary of his passing. No birthday or holiday will ever be the same without hearing the familiar "Hey Jen, it's dad" on the end of my ringing phone.
By the time he passed he had lived in Chicago for just over 10 years so I only saw him once at the holiday season around Christmas time to exchange gifts and visit, the rest was via phone calls and emails. The year he passed we thankfully had our Christmas visit a few days before the holiday rather then putting it off until after, but I cut the visit short because I had somewhere to be that evening assuming there would always be another time. At the time I was married to my first husband and we had 3 sets of parents in town between the 2 of us that kept us very busy on Christmas Day so that day after major running around we returned home late that evening. There was a message on my voice mail with the very familiar "Hey Jen, it's dad". Calling to see how the day had been for me, for the kids, etc.........but, it was a call that I never got to return.
I was tired from the day and busy with work at the time and told myself I would simply return his call another time when I had more time and energy to chat. Which wasn't unheard of in our relationship. We both had very busy lives and calls to each other often went days until they were returned so it wasn't unusual at all so I didn't think twice about it. 4 days later I got the call from my step-mom. My dad had passed at age 54. Complications from alcoholism. And the message he left on my voice mail on Christmas day was the last time I heard his voice and became a call I would never be able to return.
I knew he struggled with alcohol. About a year prior to his passing he had spent a couple weeks in the hospital due to it and was told then to stop drinking or he would die. He stopped. Then and there and passed away 9 months later due to his demons completely sober. He fought for his life, but ultimately it became a battle that was just to great.
To this day I'm haunted by the shortness and abruptness of our last visit and regret not taking the time to pick up that phone, dial 10 numbers, and tell him how much he meant to me. I thank god I had that last visit from him a week before his passing, but if I had known it would be the last time I ever got to see him, hug him, laugh at his incredible sense of humor I would have grabbed onto him and not let him go.
The moral of this is do not ever put off anyone or anything you love. In our busy lives it's extremely easy to say "pffffttttt, no big deal I'll do it tomorrow. I'll talk to them later. We'll get together next week." We all assume tomorrow will always come, but tomorrow is not promised. Truth is no one ever knows what tomorrow will bring so if you love someone, cherish them today and everyday because tomorrow may never come.
R.I.P. Greg Lackner
August 22, 1953-December 29, 2007
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