One thing I've had a lot of lately is time. And the lesson I've learned most recently is "be careful of what you ask for, because you just may get it".
One of my most favorite horror stories has always been The Monkey's Paw by W.W. Jacobs published in England in 1902. I've read the story several times over and over again. I watched my dad play the role of the father in that story in a collection of short skits combined into one Halloween performance at a theater in Chicago when he was alive and acting. That performance of his was dedicated to me in the program. I don't have a copy of it anymore, but I remember reading "For my daughter Jenni, who always loves a good scary story".
Anyone familiar with this story knows that the main message in that story is just what I opened this blog with. Be careful of what you ask for, because you just may get it. Although, the means that it is gotten by may be less then desirable leading you to regret ever making the request in the first place. That life is ruled by fate, and one should not wish things differently then what fate has in store for it because things can go horribly wrong. And the lesson of that horror story is one I should have taken more closely to heart.
Anyone not familiar with it, check it out. It's worth it.
Most recently in my life I had requested several times over and over again for a break from.......just things. I was stressed, angry, what I thought at the time was too busy, and would just say to anyone that would listen "I just want a BREAK!" As I'm sure we've all muttered at some point in time in all of our busy lives.
I hadn't been feeling "right" for a long time now. And recently learned the cause of it as things kept taking a turn for the worse. It is a condition that is fixable, and hopefully soon I will be fixed up and at least as good as new, if not better. It would appear I just need a tune-up ;-). In the meantime though, I have been forced into "taking a break". My health just won't allow me to NOT take that break at this time. The spirit has been willing, unfortunately the body just can't keep up. I try to do little things here and there, and I'm exhausted. Or I have to call someone and say "I just can't, I'm sorry. Please help" because I just don't feel well at all and those are some of the hardest words I've ever had to mutter. And I find myself wishing I was as stressed and busy as I was 6 months ago.
There has been times in the last few years that I'd start putting on a little extra weight ( I know, I know....I'm tiny, but I can still be self-conscious ya know?) and I'd think "Damn I miss the days of my teens where I didn't have to be mindful of what I ate". Due to the above mentioned health issue my weight has dramatically dropped. By about 30 pounds, which on my frame is a whole lot that I didn't have to lose. And I find myself wishing I had most of that back.
Which is what led me to realize......be careful what you wish for, because you just may in fact get it.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Every picture tells a story, don't it?
In the words of Rod Stewart, ♫♫ Every picture tells a story, don't it? ♫♫. I currently have 11 pieces of artwork permanently inked onto my body (Yes, that's right. I said 11, surprised?) and most of them have a story to tell. So here goes......
My very first piece of artwork was when I was 19 and actually started more as a bet then anything else. I was bet $5 that I couldn't actually go through the pain of getting inked. Considering I now have 11 of them with the intention to add on to those, I would say I won. It is mid thigh on my right leg. It is half of a sun and half of a moon, and is still as bright today as it was the day I got it done. The sun is a masculine symbol of giving life. Without it the world would be cold, dark, and barren. The moon is a feminine symbol of touching all life and stimulating life, especially at night. When put together, simply put life is created.
#2 came in the form of a daisy on the left side, lower to mid portion of my back. The daisy represents innocence, loyalty in love, purity, and faith. Although the artist did a shitty job so be careful of who you choose to permanently decorate your body. #3 is a butterfly centered on some tribal art in between my shoulder blades on my back. The butterfly represents delicate beauty, while stronger then it appears. You can not kill a butterfly by simply crushing it's wings.
#4 is an ankle band of cherry blossoms, all randomly colored in various colors because, well, I'm random. However, the cherry blossom represents the transience of life. It is short, enjoy it to it's fullest. #5 is a piece of tribal art with a heart on my lower back. The only meaning behind that is that I like tribal art tattoos. A lot. And the guy who did it owed my ex money and worked it off on my back. And that one hurt like a son of a bitch. I'm aware ones in that location are referred to as tramp stamps. The last person that said that too me got very familiar with how it feels to get kicked in the nuts. #6 is the tribal art circling my left wrist, because again, I like tribal art. I think it's cool.
#7 holds the spot nearest and dearest to my heart and always will. It is a blue rose with some tribal. It is on the left side of my chest by my heart. A blue rose (or black ones) symbolize rebellion. It holds a special place in my heart because my father paid for me to get that one done. My step-mother wanted a tattoo (her 1st) for her birthday and was nervous going alone. He called me asking me to go with her and in exchange he would pay for a new one for me. My dad has since passed away. But I will forever have a piece of him literally on my heart. It is faded and could use a touch up, but no one will ever touch it again.
#8, well that's just amusing. My now ex hated my tattoos and piercings. With a passion. Told me regularly how trashy they were and if I got anymore he would move out. So......after our separation I did some researching (with the help of a friend and tattoo artist) and found the 2 chinese symbols that are tattooed on my right shoulder blade. One means freedom, one means independence. It just felt like the right thing to do ;-) It was also done by a friend and paid for by my longest friend as a birthday gift.
#9 is the 3 symbols tattooed on my left shoulder blade. They are 3 zodiac signs. One for me. One for each of my children.
#10 and #11 are both stars on top and bottom of my right wrist. Stars symbolize guidance and protection. They are there to light the way home when one has lost their way.
To add to that, I also have my belly pierced, my tongue pierced, my nose pierced, several holes in each ear including my cartilage. Gauges in sized to 2g. My tragus pierced, and my conch pierced (if curious google the images or look at my ears next time you see me).
So, there you have it. There will be more added, some may have meaning, some may be just simply because I think it looks bad ass. I know a lot of people think they're trashy, I think they're lovely and they make me me. Simply put, you may not understand why those of us with them have them. And you know what? We don't understand why you don't. But we also don't judge you because you don't so please don't judge us because we do. We're still good, caring, honest hard working people. They don't make us bad, trashy, or criminals simply because we choose to have body art, even though that can be the stereotype given rather easily. Most definitely falls into the "don't judge a book by it's cover" category. Those of us that love them will never be able to make those that don't understand why we do and we respect that. Please respect the fact that we're still people, just more colorfully decorated ones :-)
Most of them have a reason for being there because.......every picture tells a story, don't it?
My very first piece of artwork was when I was 19 and actually started more as a bet then anything else. I was bet $5 that I couldn't actually go through the pain of getting inked. Considering I now have 11 of them with the intention to add on to those, I would say I won. It is mid thigh on my right leg. It is half of a sun and half of a moon, and is still as bright today as it was the day I got it done. The sun is a masculine symbol of giving life. Without it the world would be cold, dark, and barren. The moon is a feminine symbol of touching all life and stimulating life, especially at night. When put together, simply put life is created.
#2 came in the form of a daisy on the left side, lower to mid portion of my back. The daisy represents innocence, loyalty in love, purity, and faith. Although the artist did a shitty job so be careful of who you choose to permanently decorate your body. #3 is a butterfly centered on some tribal art in between my shoulder blades on my back. The butterfly represents delicate beauty, while stronger then it appears. You can not kill a butterfly by simply crushing it's wings.
#4 is an ankle band of cherry blossoms, all randomly colored in various colors because, well, I'm random. However, the cherry blossom represents the transience of life. It is short, enjoy it to it's fullest. #5 is a piece of tribal art with a heart on my lower back. The only meaning behind that is that I like tribal art tattoos. A lot. And the guy who did it owed my ex money and worked it off on my back. And that one hurt like a son of a bitch. I'm aware ones in that location are referred to as tramp stamps. The last person that said that too me got very familiar with how it feels to get kicked in the nuts. #6 is the tribal art circling my left wrist, because again, I like tribal art. I think it's cool.
#7 holds the spot nearest and dearest to my heart and always will. It is a blue rose with some tribal. It is on the left side of my chest by my heart. A blue rose (or black ones) symbolize rebellion. It holds a special place in my heart because my father paid for me to get that one done. My step-mother wanted a tattoo (her 1st) for her birthday and was nervous going alone. He called me asking me to go with her and in exchange he would pay for a new one for me. My dad has since passed away. But I will forever have a piece of him literally on my heart. It is faded and could use a touch up, but no one will ever touch it again.
#8, well that's just amusing. My now ex hated my tattoos and piercings. With a passion. Told me regularly how trashy they were and if I got anymore he would move out. So......after our separation I did some researching (with the help of a friend and tattoo artist) and found the 2 chinese symbols that are tattooed on my right shoulder blade. One means freedom, one means independence. It just felt like the right thing to do ;-) It was also done by a friend and paid for by my longest friend as a birthday gift.
#9 is the 3 symbols tattooed on my left shoulder blade. They are 3 zodiac signs. One for me. One for each of my children.
#10 and #11 are both stars on top and bottom of my right wrist. Stars symbolize guidance and protection. They are there to light the way home when one has lost their way.
To add to that, I also have my belly pierced, my tongue pierced, my nose pierced, several holes in each ear including my cartilage. Gauges in sized to 2g. My tragus pierced, and my conch pierced (if curious google the images or look at my ears next time you see me).
So, there you have it. There will be more added, some may have meaning, some may be just simply because I think it looks bad ass. I know a lot of people think they're trashy, I think they're lovely and they make me me. Simply put, you may not understand why those of us with them have them. And you know what? We don't understand why you don't. But we also don't judge you because you don't so please don't judge us because we do. We're still good, caring, honest hard working people. They don't make us bad, trashy, or criminals simply because we choose to have body art, even though that can be the stereotype given rather easily. Most definitely falls into the "don't judge a book by it's cover" category. Those of us that love them will never be able to make those that don't understand why we do and we respect that. Please respect the fact that we're still people, just more colorfully decorated ones :-)
Most of them have a reason for being there because.......every picture tells a story, don't it?
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Skinny girls have feelings too
I've recently been inspired to get back to my roots, which is writing as an outlet. This may be my one and only blog, it may be the first of many. It may make you smile, it may piss you off, either way...I don't really care, because it's mine. Hopefully people will read it and enjoy it, and maybe take something away from it. It's not meant to offend, however it's also not meant to satisfy anyone but me.
That being said, back to elaborating on my title. I am a skinny girl. I have always been a skinny girl with the exception of when I was pregnant with my 2 children. I am naturally thin, blessed with a high metabolism that I inherited from my mother. I am not anorexic, I am not bulimec, I do not obsess over my weight, watch what I eat, or over-exercise. I eat what I want, when I want, how much of it I want, and exercise if and when I damn well feel like it. And I'm tired of apologizing for it. I have been doing it the vast majority of my life now and to be perfectly honest, it gets very tiring. I don't ask you to explain or apologize for your height, weight, hair color, or eye color so why should I be made to feel inferior because I am thin?
I have heard all the jokes, smart ass remarks, and then some. Some are quite creative, others, not so much. The most common ones being: "Do you ever eat? Why don't you go eat a sandwich? She's not hungry, she ate a grape yesterday. Here's a pool cue-HIDE!!" And that's among the side-way glances, dirty looks, and the half-ass joking of being told someone hates me, that I could fit into the leg of their jeans, that I could shop in the children's section, the list goes on and on.
The majority of the time I smile, force a giggle, and walk away, when in all actuality I'd like to reach out and slap the person making the snide remark because although they do the best to make it come off as joke, it's blatantly obvious there is a snide and sometimes disrespectful aspect to their comment. If a heavy set person, ethnic person, or disabled person received comments and jokes in the manner that skinny girls do it would border on harassment and discrimination. Which leads me back to my above mentioned statements. Why should I apologize to you because of my body size and shape? I don't ask you to apologize for yours and ask for the same respect from you when it comes to mine. I can no more help the fact that I am thin then you can help what eye color you have.
An additional side note when it comes to me personally, I currently have a semi-serious health issue going on that has made me lose even more weight, that I personally can't afford to lose. The weight loss has been unexplained and can not be controlled until I get a surgical fix which is in the doctors hands, not mine. If it were up to me, I would be about 20 pounds heavier, healthier, and damn sure a lot happier.
So, I have the choice of smiling and pretending that my feelings are not affected by every sarcastic remark made at me, crying, yelling, snapping back, or finding a different outlet which is what I have done here. The long and short of this is, yes, I am thin. I'm blessed, lucky, and grateful for the size and shape I was given in this life. But.....I also have feelings, that can be hurt when smart ass comments are made directed at that size and shape, especially in my current condition which is unhealthy and not in my control. So, please, think before you speak. Skinny girls have feelings too.
That being said, back to elaborating on my title. I am a skinny girl. I have always been a skinny girl with the exception of when I was pregnant with my 2 children. I am naturally thin, blessed with a high metabolism that I inherited from my mother. I am not anorexic, I am not bulimec, I do not obsess over my weight, watch what I eat, or over-exercise. I eat what I want, when I want, how much of it I want, and exercise if and when I damn well feel like it. And I'm tired of apologizing for it. I have been doing it the vast majority of my life now and to be perfectly honest, it gets very tiring. I don't ask you to explain or apologize for your height, weight, hair color, or eye color so why should I be made to feel inferior because I am thin?
I have heard all the jokes, smart ass remarks, and then some. Some are quite creative, others, not so much. The most common ones being: "Do you ever eat? Why don't you go eat a sandwich? She's not hungry, she ate a grape yesterday. Here's a pool cue-HIDE!!" And that's among the side-way glances, dirty looks, and the half-ass joking of being told someone hates me, that I could fit into the leg of their jeans, that I could shop in the children's section, the list goes on and on.
The majority of the time I smile, force a giggle, and walk away, when in all actuality I'd like to reach out and slap the person making the snide remark because although they do the best to make it come off as joke, it's blatantly obvious there is a snide and sometimes disrespectful aspect to their comment. If a heavy set person, ethnic person, or disabled person received comments and jokes in the manner that skinny girls do it would border on harassment and discrimination. Which leads me back to my above mentioned statements. Why should I apologize to you because of my body size and shape? I don't ask you to apologize for yours and ask for the same respect from you when it comes to mine. I can no more help the fact that I am thin then you can help what eye color you have.
An additional side note when it comes to me personally, I currently have a semi-serious health issue going on that has made me lose even more weight, that I personally can't afford to lose. The weight loss has been unexplained and can not be controlled until I get a surgical fix which is in the doctors hands, not mine. If it were up to me, I would be about 20 pounds heavier, healthier, and damn sure a lot happier.
So, I have the choice of smiling and pretending that my feelings are not affected by every sarcastic remark made at me, crying, yelling, snapping back, or finding a different outlet which is what I have done here. The long and short of this is, yes, I am thin. I'm blessed, lucky, and grateful for the size and shape I was given in this life. But.....I also have feelings, that can be hurt when smart ass comments are made directed at that size and shape, especially in my current condition which is unhealthy and not in my control. So, please, think before you speak. Skinny girls have feelings too.
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